Just a Boss

 Two weeks back at work, two months postpartum. I always assumed I would work and just thought that all moms worked growing up. Little by little I realized that was not the case and in fact the opposite. And despite my horrible attitude about working while in high school, I have come to realize that I love work and made sure to discuss that with Josh while we were dating. The precedent was set though, and Josh has been nothing but supportive ever since. He is the reason I am able to work and love work at that. But I for sure didn’t realize that until recently. 

When Josh and I first got married, he was working as a dental assistant and doing all his dental prereqs for his undergrad. He was going to go to dental school and I was going to work at a local TV station wherever he decided/got into school. To leverage his appeal to those potential dental schools, the first semester we were married he decided to take an EMT class. The EMT class required a few ride-alongs with a local fire station. Well he went and then quickly decided that he did not in fact want to go to dental school but become a paramedic firefighter instead. 

It felt like a lot of whip lash and our “plan” was just thrown out the window. The following semester he dropped all his prereq dental classes and enrolled at the university’s Recruit Candidate Academy (fire school). The next year and a half was filled with an advanced EMT course, several first responder/medical classes and then he went to paramedic school. 

When he started all of this, I was first worried about his safety and then I learned about the seemingly awful and difficult schedule most firefighters have. Depending on where you live, most cities have 24-48 hour shifts, followed by several days off. For Josh, he works a 48 hour shift, followed by 4 days off. In those 48 hours he lives at the fire station. Eats, sleeps, exercises and anything else you would normally do at home, all while responding to 911 calls all day. To fully understand his job, he mostly goes on medical calls and rarely responds to a fire. And if it’s a fire, it’s usually a dumpster fire or brush field burning. People’s houses are not burning down every day. So when you hear sirens in your neighborhood, it’s likely a medical call, not a fire. 

Anyway, for those 48 hours he’s gone. That meant for the next 25 years of our marriage we would spend ⅓ of our nights away from each other. That was hard to realize. And the first few months of his fire schedule were tough. I was often angry, cranky and mad that he was gone so much. I felt unsafe at home alone and sometimes felt lonely (#1 most hated feeling). When Josh first got hired  with Provo City, the spouses were invited to a new recruit dinner. At the dinner one of the veteran wifes said, “you know, at first the 2 days at the station feel long and the 4 days at home fly by. But that will change, and soon you’ll find the 2 days at the station fly by and the 4 days at home become long.” Everyone laughed but I didn’t. I was bitter at the moment and not the most supportive wife, but I thought she was crazy and clearly didn’t like her husband very much. Lol.

Well, time did change my feelings and the days that Josh spent at the station soon became time for myself. I planned all my social events around Josh’s schedule. I was able to take time for myself without having to worry about his plans. And he likewise was able to do the same in the days he wasn’t at the station. The schedule soon became so perfect for us. We were able to be individuals when we had to be apart and really be a couple when we were together. 

Which brings me to the point of this entire explanation. I have since, and repeatedly, apologized to Josh about my initial bad attitude towards his schedule because his career allows me to have a career. I am able to work in-office the days that he is at home and I work from home while he is at the station. Blair is never not home with a parent. Beyond that, she’ll have a relationship with her dad beyond just evenings and weekends. I feel so incredibly blessed now. The last week of coming home from work I just get emotional looking at Josh and all that he does to help me be the woman and mother that I want to be. I feel silly for ever complaining. 

I wrote a while back about the beauty of partnership, but I can’t think of a better example than what and who Josh is for me. Our partnership has become even more important in the last few weeks. 

Another thing I’m continuing to learn is that everyone’s experience is different. You know when you’re about to start a new big life event people just love to tell you how it’s going to go? Or how your life will be changed? NOT A FAN. For example, when I was about to get married, everyone wanted to tell me how hard it was going to be, or what my sex life was going to be like, or what we would argue about. I am not sure why people feel the need to speak about these things or feel like giving advice is helpful, but I’ve found more often than not, that my experience is unique and often better than their lame descriptions. My experience of being a working mom is better than I could have ever imagined (two weeks in haha).

Lastly- I was recently talking to a coworker and he asked, “Why do you have to be a mom boss, why can’t you just be a boss?” And to that I said, “you are absolutely correct.” We don’t make the gender distinction with men, why do it with women? While I think being a mom and a woman that works is quite challenging and is a lot harder than it was two months ago, I certainly think being a boss sounds way better than a boss contingent on my gender haha. 

Anyway- I am grateful for my professional setup, I am grateful for Josh’s career and support, and I am thrilled to live in a time when I can have a career.