Before I Begin

 I understand that in a time where more people are publicly transparent about the difficult things they are experiencing in life, also comes room for a lot of hurt and misunderstanding. I want to note that everyone's struggles are unique and important. 

Pregnancy is tough, so many want it, and at the same time so many avoid it at all costs. I am writing with the perspective of someone who has never seen themselves as a mother, as someone who fears child birth and child bearing. I am writing as someone who feels too young to bring kids into this world and as a woman who feels wildly unprepared. 

I love this graphic above. I love that both women can celebrate completely different results. All our realities and wants are so different. I understand that many of my friends struggle with infertility. On the other hand, I know of many women who got married very young and immediately had children. I have friends who chose to have children out of wedlock, which also brought on it's own social challenges (especially in the LDS community). I also understand that many of my friends want children but don't feel like their fragile marriages could handle adding the pressures of pregnancy right now. We are all navigating so many different circumstances.

I hope that what I write on here is seen from the perspective of a 25 year old, cis, white, heterosexual female who has felt the pressures of having children for far too long and accidentally got pregnant. 

At this point in my pregnancy, it is what it is. I am going to have a kid and life will go on. It's really not the end of the world. But I felt like it was the end of the world for first few months. I hope that as I share my thoughts, feelings and experiences that you can just get a different perspective from the many false and often fabricated messages about mothers and motherhood that circulate on social media. I'm here to say it how it is. 

Many of the things I write about many seem uncomfortable, like the details of how we "accidentally" got pregnant or how sick I've been and the overwhelming emotions that come with increased levels of progesterone in my body, haha. But I also write about things that have been said to me the last few months and how they have made me feel. Whether you said funny things to me or not, I am just making note of them. I am hoping that my experiences can offer another perspective. A perspective of someone who is experiencing the "greatest news ever" as a true trial. 

Lol this may all back fire on me and I might deeply regret sharing any of this. But for now, it's therapeutic and I like the idea of using my writings as the means of helping other women feel validated. 

Read at your own risk :)