Birth Story- Blair Madeleine Reber

The last few weeks feel like a complete blur. I don’t know what day it is, I have double scheduled dinners TWICE now, I go 5-6 days without washing my hair, and my nether regions are still suffering from the trauma of giving birth. BUT I am thrilled to not be pregnant anymore! Eating has never tasted so good. My acid reflux is gone and I seriously feel like I sleep better now (even with 2-3 interruptions a night) than I did my last few weeks being pregnant. I didn’t realize how much I hated being pregnant until I wasn’t pregnant. So really, life is going great. 

When I posted my birth story on IG, I failed to leave out a lot of details. Details that more fully help y’all understand how much of a sacrifice it is to go through labor and delivery. So I’m going into FULL detail about how Blair got here. 

Before I begin, I chose to be induced on April 22nd. I had no underlying medical reasons for this. I simply wanted to choose my “end-of-misery” date and have a solid last day for work/maternity leave. Plus, I was not trying to have a biohazard team come into my office to clean up amniotic fluid on my floor if my water were to break while I was getting out of my chair to head to a meeting. 

Also, a week before my induction I went to the OB for  my last check up. I was 60% effaced but I wasn’t even dilated to a 1 yet. So not only could they not strip my membranes but this would mean I would have to come in the night before my induction (April 21st) and start cervical softening. It’s like an enema for your cervix. Every 4 hours they go in and stick a pill up your vagina and hope that it triggers your cervix to start working. Furthermore, I would have to go into the hospital on Monday evening to get a COVID test before coming in on Wednesday evening. 

Ok knowing all that, here we go! 

Early Labor- Monday the 19th

Later that morning, after a few meetings, I went to the bathroom (haha as if I wasn’t going every 25-30 min anyway) and my pants were slightly wet. Now throughout pregnancy most women experience an increase in discharge but this was more than I was used to. I called my mom and she thought that it may be my water breaking, so I decided that after getting my COVID test I would head to labor and delivery to see if it had actually broken. 

Well you can’t just waltz into labor and delivery and get your cervix checked, you have to do everything as if you’re staying there. It was so extra. They completely checked me in, gave me the gown, and put the heart rate and contraction monitors on my belly. Soon the nurse came in to check my cervix and told me my water had most definitely NOT broken. I was pretty frustrated but she said I was dilated to a 1 and my contractions were pretty close together (I didn’t know that my “abs” just hurting every few minutes were actually just contractions) and that they would keep me there for an hour and check my cervix to see if it had become more dilated. Well an hour rolled around and my cervix hadn’t moved so they sent me home. But now I knew what a contraction felt like and I hardly slept that night. 

I was reluctant to go to work that next day for the mere fact that the probability of calling that biohazard team increased but I had all my last important meetings and I love work so I went haha. By the time I left work though, my contractions were pretty strong. And I would breathe heavily through them, but again, they were not consistent enough to go into L&D and I was not about to get sent home AGAIN. Yet again, I did not sleep well that night. 

The next day, I basically just sat home all day and tried to rest. While the contractions were not entirely consistent still, I was banking on the fact that the hospital would be calling me soon to go in that evening for that wonderful cervical softening. Well the call never came and around 2 pm I called L&D to see if I’d be going in that night. They said that because I was already dilated to a 1 on Monday, that they would not be having me come in until the morning. Well morning felt like years away with how painful my contractions were but I thought, “well I can do anything for 18 hours.” 

Almost Real Labor? Wednesday April 21st 

By 8 pm, however, I was crying through my contractions. I was in so much pain. So I just decided to give up and go to the hospital. Josh dropped me off at the front door, which by then was closed and the nurse at the front told me I’d have to walk around to the emergency room. I started to walk over, hunching through a contraction and then the nurse walked up and put me in a wheelchair. Josh arrived at the emergency entrance at the same time I did and we were wheeled off to L&D. 

Once again they checked me in with everything as if I were staying (remember, no quick checks) and luckily my chart was right at the front desk because I was coming in that next morning anyway. They told me they weren't sure if they’d keep me overnight if I wasn’t dilating quick enough so they would once again monitor me for an hour. So yes, they would send me away for 5-6 hours with some pain meds only for me to come back a few hours later? I just don’t get the logic behind that. Just give me an epidural and start me on pitocin already? Like why turn people away? I just wanted this baby out of me. Genuinely curious. If you’re a nurse please let me know why in the heck they would send someone home for a few HOURS? 

Anyway, since I was coming in in the morning anyway, they decided to “just keep me there.” 100% felt like such an inconvenience. Well shortly after, the anesthesiologist came in and gave me the epidural. Josh obviously watched but they said they’ve had too many dads pass out when watching the needle go into their wife’s back that they made him sit down haha. The epidural didn’t hurt at all. The lidocain stung a little but what’s pain when you’re feeling contractions 2 minutes apart?

Shortly after getting the epidural I threw up what wasn’t digested of my dinner. That was awful because I had such little control over my lower extremities that I could barely sit up enough to throw up and as a result got a lot of puke in my hair and on my cute little hospital gown. They gave  me a new gown but my hair was rank and there to stay. 

An hour later at 12 am, the nurse came back in and I was already dilated to a 5. That’s right, my body worked hard and fast. The nurse said that that happens a lot after an epidural because the body relaxes enough to allow the contractions to really do their job. She said she was impressed I labored to a 2 at home and then said my body was working great. She predicted I’d have my baby around 6 am. LOL THAT DID NOT HAPPEN. 

My body in fact STOPPED working after getting to a 5 and around 8 am the doctor put me on pitocin and broke my water to get things moving. When they broke my water they discovered meconium (as the fluid was not clear but greenish/brown). Meconium is baby poop. This is a problem because it means the baby has most likely swallowed/”inhaled” the poop and thus your baby has poopy lungs. This calls for the NICU team to be present when the baby is born.  Apparently this happens all the time and it was nothing to be worried about. But this meant I couldn’t do immediate skin-on-skin nor could Josh cut the cord, the only two “birth plany” things I wanted out of this whole experience. 

Around 10 am it was harder for the external contractions monitor to tell how strong my contractions were and why I wasn’t dilated more so they inserted an intrauterine pressure catheter (IUPC). It’s basically just a tube that goes into through your vagina, into your uterus and shows how strong the contractions are. It also comes out when the baby is born. That’s right, my baby and this plastic tube came into the world together. <3 So not only did I have a urine catheter but I also had a ~cervical~ catheter. There was a lot going on down there, it was a very busy feeling. 

Pushing- 2:45 pm, April 22

The doctor, nurses and resident came in to check me every 30 minutes or so and finally around 2 pm they said I was ready to push. Well everything takes a million years at the hospital so it wasn’t really until 2:45 pm that I actually started pushing. 

I began to push and a few contractions in my acid reflux was getting pretty bad so low and behold I was puking once again. This time my hair was pulled back tight enough but I did get that nice stomach acid all over my cute hospital gown for a second time. Imagine having to push a baby out of a 10 cm hole and smelling vomit everytime you go in to take a deep breath. Not fun. 

Anyway, I actually loved pushing. It felt like I had control over what was happening and I wasn’t at the mercy of my body or medicine. Plus it was my way to show off in the delivery room. Why yes, doctor, I can go for another push, watch me as I endure this difficult and seemingly never ending endeavor so fearlessly.  It was empowering.

I’m not sure that I fully understood what pushing entailed until I was in the delivery room. But you aren’t literally pushing for 2 hours straight, you only push during contractions. So I got like a 1-2 min break between each contraction. It was like a fun little speed workout. 

So after doing that for two hours, the baby’s heart rate was dropping and the doctor said it’s time to use forceps. He pulled these two massive spoons out and forcefully placed them into my birth canal. He then clamped them together and 3 contractions later, she was out.

She arrived purple, with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck twice and was whisked off to the baby table on the other side of the room. 

The NICU team started working on her and moments later she started crying. I cried. I couldn’t believe I was done. I’m not entirely sure what happened next except for a few minutes later they put her on me for some skin on skin real quick and then she and Josh left for the NICU to be put on a C-PAP machine for 30 minutes. 

During that time I was sewn up and cleaned up, I was given the best turkey sandwich of my life. At the time the doctor wasn’t too helpful in explaining what level of trauma he and the baby had incurred on my birth canal but a nice friend who happens to work in the hospital came by my room the next day and gave me the low down. I suffered a 2nd degree perineal tear, a first degree hymen tear and I had tears on both sides of my vaginal walls (those don’t require stitches, they heal on their own). The recovery has been wildly painful and according to the nurse I talked to yesterday, I’ve been going “too hard” with all my walking and that’s why I’m not healing. Haha, oops. I really think I’m just so happy I’m not pregnant that any amount of pain is worth using my body again. I’ve taken it easy the last few days though and plan on not walking for the next few weeks. 

After all of that, I was wheeled off to the NICU and then to the mother and baby floor. And really from there I can’t remember much. 

Holding Blair for the first time though in the NICU was so special. I was in so much pain and I was so exhausted but so happy to be done. I can’t say I had a magical moment holding her for the first time outside of that 10 second skin on skin before the NICU, but as the weeks have gone by, I cry just looking at her. I love her so much. I’m crying as I type this. Everything hard about motherhood doesn’t even matter. I’m happy to do it because I love her. And it’s satisfying to do hard things. 

I hope that in the coming weeks I can continue to heal. But for now, motherhood isn’t nearly as miserable as I thought it was going to be. I’m sure there will be long frustrating days ahead. But for now, I’ll just stare at her and enjoy how much she sleeps.