My Body

Before I got pregnant I would joke that the biggest sacrifice of becoming pregnant would be sacrificing 10-11 months of my able-bodied abilities to another human. And while that sounds so dramatic, I feel pretty much the same way most days. 

The worst was a few weeks ago when we went down south to St. George for New Years with some friends. The pool and hot tub were heated so I put a swimsuit on for the first time in 6 months. That was hard. I sat in the room and cried for 20 minutes after seeing myself in the mirror. Josh tried to tell me I looked cute but I felt the furthest thing from cute. I should have taken a picture, so I could laugh at it now. Though I 100% stand by the fact that I did not look great, I love a good laugh at myself. 

After week 18, I started to feel dramatically better in terms of nausea and exhaustion but that was when my body started to grow. And while I just barely started wearing maternity clothes this week, (26 weeks, about 6 months) watching my body change has been difficult. 

These physical changes in my body have changed the most mundane parts of my life. My running form is different, which affects aches and pains in my feet, tying my shoes has become breathtaking, getting off the couch is a chore, getting out of bed is even harder, and I never stop peeing. In fact- a coworker (whose desk I walk past on the way to the bathroom) noted this week that I do most certainly go to the bathroom a lot. HA. And maybe these things sound so silly but not being able to use my body in the way I have been for the last 25 years has been discouraging. I love my body for how strong I feel and where it takes me. And for some I know these things seem so insignificant and I should really be so grateful for all that my body is doing for me and Jill Jr. but I just don't feel strong anymore. And I love nothing more than feeling grateful for physical strength from all my hard work. Now I am working harder than ever and have never felt so weak. 

Below are some "progression" pictures. I can't jump on the "bumpie" progression pictures train but you can see what my body looked like a month before I found out to what I looked like earlier this week in my running clothes. 

Month before getting pregnant.

Month into pregnancy.

19 weeks pregnant.

21 weeks pregnant. 

26 weeks pregnant.