Grateful but Not Glad

Since not being so sick, and just dealing with general uncomfortableness of pregnancy, I've been able to not be so cynical about this entire experience. 

I recently listened to a podcast with a woman who talked about her life and how it simply did not turn out the way she planned. At 18 she went off to college, expected to meet her future husband there and upon getting her degree she would be a stay at home mom, never have to worry about a career and have a perfect life. Well, her life isn't that at all. She is in her 40s, never married and has a thriving career. And while her life is nothing like she wanted she said she was, "grateful, not glad but grateful." 

Likewise, a few years ago, a good running friend told me that she doesn't see the word "hard" as something negative. So when we would complain about the workout our coach had assigned us and how hard it was going to be, she'd say, "hard isn't always bad." And it's true. I was always so grateful for my racing success months later when that 3/4 of a mile push up a mountain workout pulled me up the last hill during a marathon. And while hard isn't always good, I can still be grateful for the hard things in my life. Not happy or glad I have them to deal with, but grateful. 

In 2014, shortly before leaving on my mission I complained to my mom about how hard the next 18 months were going to be. And Lee lovingly said, "yes that is true. But don't you want to be a person that does hard things?" She then asked me about all the adults in my life that I look up to. I mentioned church leaders, coaches, professors and family members. She then proceeded to point out that many of those individuals had also served missions, had gone to school, had raised families and many had demanding careers. And while those were all hard things, and they probably weren't all that happy while doing them, I could find value in their elective hardships and could see how it shaped them into individuals I wanted to be like. 

So, I look at those influential people in my life now. Obviously my mother but also the women I run with, my coworkers and some of my church leaders and nearly all of them are those titles but some are also parents. So I am grateful for the opportunity to become a parent. Mostly because I strive to be like my mother in every way (and she has kids, lol) but also because I know that difficult experiences create individuals that I want to surround myself with. So while I am not entirely thrilled about becoming a mother, I am excited what it will do for my character. I look forward to becoming like all the influential people I listed that day in 2014.