Telling People

Because this was a surprise, I felt like in many ways telling people violated a deep secret. Until I was about 6 weeks along, my life was really normal besides not being able to run from my hamstring injury (which is seriously a whole other story/struggle). I told my mom right after telling Josh because I had no idea what steps to take. She was just the best. I called her and she immediately ask how I felt and how I was doing. It was nice. She walked me through the process of choosing a OB vs Midwife and we talked about my healthcare options. I made appointments with a local OB group and was set for the next few weeks. 

At 6 weeks I began to start feeling really nauseated all day long. At about 8 weeks I got very very sick and ended up in urgent care, along with Josh doing IVs on me at home. I was throwing up non-stop for about 5 days. I didn't know if this was my reality for the next few weeks/entire pregnancy so I let my work know. My boss (who is also a good friend) was the first outside of my mother to know and it felt good having her on my side, aware of what was going on. She too, was very sympathetic to this big change and really worked hard to make sure work would work out with my circumstances moving forward. 

With me being so sick, it got harder and harder to hide the news. I never get sick. I have only been sick from work once prior to this in my whole life! (Black Friday 2018, I got a 24 hour flu. I'd like to publicly apologize to Brandon and everyone at Runner's Corner who's day I ruined by getting sick.) 

It was weird, I just never get ill and so for me to be opting out of a lot of activities because I was sick, and always sick, was a red flag for a lot of people. I didn't tell anyone I was sick unless absolutely necessary. Well, family started catching on after I sent an image to my sister of my popped blood vessel in my eye from throwing up so much. She put it on her snap story (eye roll) and my cousins showed it to my aunt and uncle to which they texted my mom asking if I were pregnant. Likewise, a close college friend and coworker both joked that I was probably pregnant. So that just shows, being sick is so out of the norm that anyone I told, assumed I was pregnant. They weren't wrong, but I didn't want to tell people. 

My immediate family found out pretty quick once my dad "accidentally" prayed for me and the baby in their family prayer... Paige caught on. Then Jill caught on all the way from Sweden when my mom told her I'd been throwing up a lot and then I felt bad and told Erica (who is all the way in Taiwan). Telling my family really wasn't that hard though because they knew how hard this was for me. The first question was always "Oh, how do you feel about this?" Which brought immediate comfort. Likewise, the first non-family member, non-work friend I told was a close running friend who invited me on their Sunday family hike. She was just the best and was so quick to comfort me. 

The rest of the "tellings" felt difficult though. If you're reading this, I've made my grand instagram announcement and put this blog on public. It's probably taken me a lot to get here. Which seems out of character for me too because if there is one thing I love, it's praise and attention. (And I just don't find many aspects of my life to be "private" haha.) However, nothing is harder than the whole world telling you "congrats" for something that seems so life altering. We don't tell anyone who is terminally ill, mentally unrested or physically falling apart "congrats," haha that just sounds stupid. But becoming pregnant feels that way to me. So when we tell family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances that I'm pregnant and the first thing they say is "congrats, that is so exciting." I just have to give a smile and say "Yes, thank you."  But I don't really feel that way... and it's exhausting. In some instances I have said, "well for some people." And that catches them off guard. But even all the doctors I've seen, which is a lot now, have never once asked me how I feel about being pregnant. I guess it's easy to assume it's exciting for both of us. We are a rather young couple, in Utah, married, with two careers and a nice little home. I can understand how this outwardly doesn't seem life ending. However, it feel that way most days for me and I feel like I'm on brith control again every time I think of having to tell someone I'm pregnant. 

I'm sure my IG announcement will have a plethora of comments ranging from "congrats" or "that is so exciting" and "you'll be the best mom/parents" and while those things are nice, it takes no thought into account for the way me, and I'd image, so many other women feel, about brining life into this world. 

I think, unless we know the situation of whom we are speaking to, we should just treat every stranger/friend/family member's pregnancy with compassion.