Maybe Don't Say That

In the age of women finally standing up for themselves and mother's teaching children that you don't have to let old men hug you "just to be nice," comes my speech on things to not say to pregnant women.

By now, I would hope that we've moved past the need to comment on women's pregnant bodies (or any bodies in general), or touching pregnant women's stomachs. But if not, here is a quick reminder to not do those things. Saying "you're so big" or "you look like you're about to pop," are not fun, flattering or helpful comments. Instead, ask how she is feeling. This will require more time and effort on your end but will make a world of difference for her. And this is all about her, she is slaving away at making a human. The least you can do is work on dismantling common and unwanted phrases that we hear all day.

On a deeper note though, I began to write down all the other things that people have said to me/us that simply shouldn't be said. I think the more compassionate, careful and considerate we are of the women around us, the happier our society will be. So here are a list of things I've been asked, told or overheard that may be hurtful to the pregnant women in your life. 

1- "Oh, I didn't know you were trying." It is none of your business. That is between them. Even if you are close to the couple, that is simply none of your business. Especially if they've been dealing with infertility. Or in our case where it was a complete surprise.

2- "Oh, finally!" It was never your decision to decide when a couple was to start having kids. Again, they could have been dealing with infertility until now. 

3- "That is so exciting."/"That is the best news."  It may not be. Instead, ask how they feel about becoming parents. 

4- "Was this an accident?" Again, not your business. Especially when it is/was an accident. Having an unplanned pregnancy can be very overwhelming. Your best job is to be supportive and understanding until they decide to tell you about how/when they decided or did not decide to get pregnant. 

5- "You don't even look pregnant." Again, no need to comment on women's bodies. Though I'm currently 17 weeks and don't look pregnant, I defs don't fit into my jeans comfortably anymore and find myself in sweatpants most days. Let's avoid comment on other's bodies. 

6- "Your baby will be so beautiful." Well maybe, but in my opinion most babies are pretty ugly when they come out of the womb and mostly all look the same. And how they look isn't even important! I am far more concerned with how my children turn out character-wise. Instead maybe say something like, "You'll do great at raising your children," or "Your kids are lucky to have you two as parents," or just a simple compliment on that persons character and what they will offer as a parent. We have no idea how this kid will turn out and really, even the best parents end up with the hardest children. 

I'm sure there will be more things as I let this blog go public and finally announce on social media but in the mean time those are just thoughts of things that have been exhausting to hear. It's what makes telling people I'm pregnant hard.